Wednesday, September 02, 2009

初为人父母须知

本人是标题党,没有什么特别须知的啦
只是一条惨痛经验:起名字,还请三思
(话说我并没有什么惨痛的,究竟有多么惨痛,还要小盆友们长大了问他们才可以知道)

胖子没出生以前,我和她爸颇在给她起名字上面用了一些心思。启用了babycenter,babynames,babynamewizard,甚至社会安全局等等网站若干,站在书店翻阅相关书籍N次。茶余饭后光备选名字就写了一个小本本。可惜年代实在久远,已经全体不可考证。

只记得其中深受我们两人喜爱的beta版本是:Autumn.当时非常想假装小资的农民新爸新妈的想法是,小盆友要出生在九月,再配上酱紫一个名字,天时~人又和~整个儿就是一个诗情~画意~
于是喜滋滋的准备预告全天下知。(这个“天下”有六个人,我爸我妈我姐他爸他妈他姐。)其中,我姐在网路上面最好找,成为全天下分享我们胜利的喜悦第一人,木有想到其人给了我一个非常非常强烈的回应:不行!!!!!!!!!!!!!

要说我也是一辈子油盐不进刀枪不入宁可吃不饱饭也坚决不听人劝的人,日后小盆友为什么没有这么风雅的名字,完全源于我姐一封非~常有道理的email. 她说,好,英文名字叫Autumn,中文正好对着“秋香”。。。。。。

(DISCLAIMER:这件事情绝对跟Autumn这个名字没有关系,我还真认识几个很雅致很曼妙的Autumn.但是如果这个名字放在右图这个乡下孩子身上,就非常值得商榷了。)

故此,beta版本没有发行,就被抛弃,有了日后的Amy





看到这里,如果你以为我们家小盆友托她小姨的福就此逃过了一劫,那么显然你并不了解鄙人夫妇。我们,能这么轻易就放过她乜?!英文名字完了,还有中文。大名好了,小名也可以玩一玩。

小盆友的中文大号是,“可心”。
“可”字是她爸的贡献,想出来的那天,要我来给对应个下联儿。
我这个人当好学生当习惯了,需要的就是被启发。所以当时在她爸这一个“可”字的启发之下,外加荷尔蒙的催化,颇发明了一些很好的名字。可恶可恨可气可恼可笑可耻可怜还有,可口,汗,可乐。。。所以客观的说,最后终结在“可心”这里,实在是小人的造化。
这种想法一直维持到可心同志两岁前后。她进入了terrible 2以后,某天某事激怒了我,老娘我一声飞快的怒吼,张可心你给我过来!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!吼罢一边喘一边回想,这个名字,念快了,活生生,就是。。。张恶心 。。。嘛!

事后想想,倒也。。。不能说不是神来之笔。。。
有其人。。。必有其名 (也或者是the other way around --->居然让我点到了题)。







至于amy恶心小盆友是怎样变成了今天的胖子,那也是有典故的。
话说每个新爸新妈都有一个毛病,那就是,恶心当可爱。小盆友的小名从臭臭,屁屁,到臭屁(sorry,妹子:p),不一而足。这些我这个被叫“二丑”长大的人,是非常明了也非常想避免的。所以在跟老公商榷小朋友的小名时,都是从很高尚很有典故的角度出发,比如说,小叶子,比如说,马法达,再比如说,小丸子。。。










这样经过我们两个人谨慎小心的对博大精深的动画文化进行广泛研究,外加上参考我本人丑到惊天地泣鬼神的童年图片以后,





小盆友的小名被我们锁定了,皮皮。彪悍,基本上是当时我们对小盆友的唯一预期。



我至今还记得,当年抱着两个星期大的小盆友到我念书的学校去,一个非常sweet非常爱我的老太太过来问她叫什么名字,有什么nick name,我大胆的回说,her name is amy, but we call her pippi...之后,老太太脸上欲言又止的表情。
彼时我对PEEPEE还没有大规模的研究(现在也没有,那是小女的专长---名字决定人生轨迹还真不是扯,爱心呼吁大家引以为戒~-->居然让我又一次点到了题),完全不明就里,长长的办公走廊里面就听见我一个人非常响亮的爱心呼唤,PEE~~~~~~~~~PEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

长话酱紫长说到此,amy恶心,并不止是amy恶心而已,而是,amy恶心PEEPEE小盆友,并且做amy恶心PEEPEE,整整一年的时间。

一直到小盆友开始学说话,我们两口子颇为担心她口齿伶俐以后会对我们破口大骂,就此终结了叫她皮皮的日子。

这个时候,顺嘴的,就剩下一个胖子了。胖成酱紫和蔼可亲又气势汹汹,叫她胖子也不算过分吧。












更何况,这个胖子,还是祖传的,我跟领导刚结婚的时候,在他们家的部队大院儿散步,看着他长大的一干叔叔阿姨们每个走过,都是爱心满满的看着这位七尺男儿大打招呼,啊,连胖子都娶媳妇儿啦~

这样叫胖子叫了两年,小家伙险些给我长成了网络小胖的模样,多半,也有名字的功劳。












这,就是,amy恶心胖子张,aka,amy恶心PEEPEE张的命名故事。随便哪段拿出来,都可以发挥强大的警醒世人的社会公用。

那么她弟弟呢?我们也是有良知的人,各方面都吸取了充分的教训,谨慎小心。
从名字的意思(之所以叫他Darrell,是因为amy的意思是beloved,而男名里面对应的beloved,就是 Darrell了),到名字的Popular程度(不要太菜市场也不要太黄老邪),再到跟厕所词汇的距离(血的教训,不是记得不记得的问题,完全是条件反射性的防范了),都进行了周详的考虑,于是,出台了
Darrell可意DD张

正在我以为一切都差强人意,总算对得起两个孩子中的一个之时,
也就是昨天。

幼儿园新来的director很有爱心的堵住放学的儿子,问,
你叫什么名字啊?
我已经做好了准备,他说,“哥哥”,我给人家解释,不是,这个是他中文名字,不是,这个也是他小名,不是,这个更不是“弟弟”的意思。。。。。
却万万没有想到,儿子骄傲自豪的挺着胸脯:
DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!

69 comments:

Fann said...

haha

Fann said...

那'秋香'照一点也不乡,您是不是给Amy来个‘红’系列?

Unknown said...

啥事儿给你和一写就是洋洋洒洒,图文并茂笑死人不偿命一大篇!
不佩服不行!

告诉你哦!我巨烦的一个就叫Daryl (different spelling)
所以我们group每个人or his wife快生男孩之前都说过这句话:
叫Daryl算了,烦了就抓过来:
Daryl你又不乖了!打Daryl的屁屁!

lanfear said...

哈哈,这个名字实在是没有十全十美的。

我有个朋友给女儿起名叫hanna,结果另外一个同事说不好,我们问为什么,他说将来上学会有人叫她hanna banana,这简直就是防不胜防啊。

kathy said...

都快忘了Amy小时候有这么胖了,不过我还是觉得你不应该叫人家胖子。

Starsea said...

hahahaha

Starsea said...

嗯,Kathy是她小姨?我也批评二丑很多次了,不能把童年的痛苦回忆强加到娃身上。:D

kathy said...

嗯,我就是他们的小姨。
严重同意楼上的!!!

xiaoxian said...

哈哈, 原来我想给老二叫darren, 这样中文人人尊称他为韩大人, 多好。。

xiaoxian said...

终于把魔爪伸向你的部落格了。。

Gigi said...

我猜作家一定是北方人, 有那么多幽默感。 写得真好。 不过取名字是得小心, 我老公说,美国学校里的孩子, 喜欢取笑 unusual names. 名字一般点没有关系, 怕就怕孩子受委屈。

6 said...

姐你算是找到组织了哈
还聊起来了你们俩。。。

lanfear:小盆友起任何名字
上学都会有人给起外号
这点心理准备我们是有的
就是木有想到
自己给气得名字这!~~~~么容易被人起外号

小闲妈~欢迎欢迎~
我们是大肉~~~~~~~好像确实没有大人气派。:D

gigi:坐在家里的我
是。。。南方人。:)
祖籍江西。
但是确实是北京长大的
不过你说话要小心啊
酱紫好像在说我们南方人不幽默!

Shopatriot said...

這不是激得我也要來一篇取名的 history 呼應一下?! :)

我唯一遺憾的是 Ethan 這個名字太普遍
可是我們開始喜歡這個名字的時候 (2000 年) 它還很不普遍啊!
E 以前上 preschool 的時候最高紀錄班上同時有 4 個 Ethan
菜市場到不行!
昨天開學班上又有兩個 Ethan
Ethan C. 和 Ethan H.
看來他一輩子註定要 always identify himself with last name

到 oli 我們就學乖了
取了一個在 UK 很普遍
在 US 不普遍的 :)

Gigi said...

我只是好奇而已, 我自己是南方人哦!

6 said...

xixi gigi别往心里去
我一般看见陌生女性,会调戏两句。:)

二老婆,没错!
我掐指算算
从0岁到6岁
一岁一个
我一共认识7个ethan. :D

Gigi said...

不用担心, 读了那么多你的blog, 知道你爱开玩笑。。。 :)

Mouse said...

哈哈哈!笑爆我了!你别说,pippi和Devil,听上去就是一家啊!

不过,我还是觉得Autumn是个很好听的名字哎!

美国人民想管孩子叫啥就叫啥吗?德国人民不行耶!

Unknown said...

yeah,我看过皮皮散记
算是忠实的老读者了吧

Unknown said...

皮皮散记哪里还能看到啊?writing成封闭club了,精华区是不是也没了?

6 said...

nancy小盆友
你一提醒
人来疯我立刻把多年前还是亲妈的时候
写的东西贴上来了
胡乱的扫了两眼
结论是:往事不堪回首!!!!!!!!!!!!
我曾经是多么多么亲的妈啊~~~~~~~~~

你去右边那个“看时光飞逝如电”那里点
最下面的03年还有04年
都贴在那里了。

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