Wednesday, November 23, 2011

小盆友的科幻

送小盆友上学的路上,等红灯。总共也没等了两分钟,急性子的大小姐就非常之的上火:
“What is wrong with this light?!”
“Oh this is taking FOREVER!"
"OH COME ON!!!!" --- 我有没有这么annoying啊
一个人兀自气了一阵子,脑子里面的电灯泡叮的一声就亮了,开始异想天开
I wish we had a flying car~ That way we don't have to wait anymore!  ---真的假的?!你马迷在连janitors们都人手IPHONE的今天还攥着一上个世纪的产品,就算有飞车,也轮不到咱家开吧。。。
OR! --- 想起樱桃小丸子里面有一集的开头,"我们家很穷~”
I wish everybody else ALL had flying cars~ That way there won't be any cars and lights on the road! ---果然是阿Q马迷生出来的阿Q娃娃啊,你们都进步好了,我们一家子人幸福的固步自封
OR! ---酱紫都不行么。。。你是要怎样?别人送咱家飞车咱们跟着一起在天上堵车乜?!
I wish there's a magic microphone. We tell it where we want to go, and then five seconds later, we are there! --- 这这这这这难道不就是传说中的beam up?!她小小的时候我跟她爸看了很多很多的star trek。。。莫非都被她听去了?!
OR! --- 。。。
I wish there's a magic camera. It takes a picture of us, then we all turn into FAIRIES! You are a big fairy, I am a medium fairy, DD is a teeny tiny little cute fairy. ---我可怜的铁铮铮的男儿汉DD啊~~~

Saturday, November 05, 2011

关于死亡的对话

去年“圣诞老人”应小盆友要求给他们买了两条鱼。



三分钟热度过后,小盆友只有朋友来了会想起来炫耀给人看一下,或者什么筋搭错线突然爱心勃发的趴在鱼缸边假装疯魔 "awwwww you are SO CUTE~"几秒钟。剩下的时间这两条鱼就过着连吃饭都有一搭没一搭的凄惨日子。领导偶尔路过便不由得叹气,你说他们上辈子造了什么孽沦落到咱们家这种冷血家庭来当宠物。。。

大约蓝色的那条上辈子造的孽少一些,他在我家的炼狱鱼生于公元二零一一年十一月四日美国中部时间晚间九点半提前结束了(当然了准确时间没人知道,fish neglect如果是一条罪,那我们全家都是在逃犯)。

马迷顿时很凌乱,倒不是说感叹生命的渺小这种伟大的凌乱,是满脑子就一个念头。。。。
“这可如~何~是~好~~~怎么跟主子们解释啊~~~~~~~~~~~”
万圣节俩人问我马迷ghost是哪里来的我都想晕死过去,现在真的面临死亡了,怎搞怎搞怎搞。
领导很冷静,这还不简单,“开机~放狗!”
其实马迷的浏览器打开就是狗那一页。怎奈何一方面冷血另外一方面ADHD。打开浏览器以后织围脖看电视找人聊天要忙的事情太多。上炕的时候才隐隐觉得好像忘了一件什么事情。老年痴呆自然是想了一夜加一顿早饭也完全没有头绪。

一直到正在嘎嘣嘎嘣嚼万圣节糖豆子的DD挂在我身上突然一声长叹,
"SIGH, I think my fish is dead."
"你你你你。。。你怎么知道的?!”
"I just do."
"SO... how does that make you feel?”
"Nothing...Can I have more candies?"

也许,这本来,就是这么一件很简单很现实的事情?没什么感受好谈?没什么好解释的?
正预备长出一口没必要的多情气之时,胖黛玉姐节画画课回来了。
DD一出溜儿从我身上滑下来,冲过去俩人就展开了严肃的关于死亡的对话
Amy, Guess what, my fish died!"
看dolphin tale给我哭得死去活来的小盆友此时居然萌生了很多做姐节的豪情壮志,慢声细语的安慰道,"Oh,really? that's OK,DD, are you OK? are you sad?"
然后完全不顾DD很冷静很缓慢的回答,"No I am not sad",继续提出了非常先进的therapy常见手段,"It's OK to feel sad, you know what, let's draw a picture for her! That way you'll always remember her!"
俩人摸了纸和笔以后,这位做姐节的脚着人生哲理需要继续跟傻D掰扯清楚,便接着孜孜不倦。
"You know what DD, everybody dies. It's just something that's gonna happen sooner or later. There's nothing you can do about it. I think mommy will die some day too. Even though she says she won't die. But I don't think that's true."
我这一口气差点儿没提上来当场就被她气死之际,但听得DD还很淡定的跟进道,
"Yeah you are right, she'll die too..."

Sunday, September 25, 2011

有了微博以后的博 之 张一美的中文作业

本人也是微了博了的人了~ 点这里点这里点这里~
从今往后您看见我写博只剩一个可能性
--好几个微博凑的

譬如说

小盆友写中文作业,要用“等”字组词,翻了三分钟白眼,灵光一现道,等人!马迷正在旁边五颜六色各种感动,小盆友自己解释道,Mommy you know why? Because 人 only has two strikes. I like it! I try it all the time with this kind of homework!

小盆友继续写中文作业。造句。
起来-- “我起来了”。
吃饭--“我吃饭了”。
故事 -- 。。。。。。“MOMMY!!!!!How do you write念?”
马迷又在旁边五颜六色各种感动:她居然没有写 “我故事了" 豪~了不起啊~
写完了小盆友扬长而去,马迷拿起来打算继续感动,赫然发现:
故事 -- “我念书了”。

不光中文,她写什么作业都酱紫。
数学算不对,语文写掉字。
最让人崩溃的是,上个星期,居然有三!天!(总共只有四天有作业)忘记给我把作业带回家,完后人家还本着HAPPY PEOPLE的精神很快活的开解自己
that's OK. I'll just lose recess time tomorrow. It's too hot to go out anyways.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

乡下人渡假

我们家农民孩子在地广人稀的德州乡下长大,人生中最向往的东西有那么几样,多数都跟繁荣昌盛相关。
比如说被爸爸问说渡假想去哪里,城市还是大自然,一号想也没想高呼,OF COURSE CITIES! I am a city girl~
DD的要求没有那么高,并不一定要去曼哈顿住总统套房,但是用多种方式跟我表达过对“EBELATOR”这种东西的高度渴望。
于是我们来到CORPUS CHRISTI,第一件事并不是去看海,而是,乘坐EBELATOR。不仅一坐就坐了好几次,而且还有农民马迷跟着拍照留念。



农民们坐EBELATOR坐爽了以后,自然还开展了一系列赶海坐船逛水族馆看海豚等等农民游客们喜闻乐见的活动,可是回家的路上问小盆友最喜欢什么,农民一号二号的单子上面除了EBELATOR以外,这些活动都是一笔带过,长篇累牍的是, JUMPING ON THE BEDS



农民家长不由要扪心自问,我们开车来回一千多迈,这是为了个毛啊为了个毛~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, July 17, 2011

沉默中爆发

Playdate本来是很开心的事
(没有去过北京的同志请注意最右边的妞妞,这,就是北京路边儿西瓜小贩儿的标准坐姿

可是这些女len莺莺燕燕唧唧歪歪长期的挤在一起

不仅大个儿的那个喜欢欺负人

小只也非常野蛮

于是我们家的文盲男生
今天终于在沉默中爆发了
一个人鼓捣了很久鼓捣出这样一张告示
认认真真的贴在自己的房间门口

摔门而去。

门摔好了
却很担心不明真相的群众智商不够参不透
又自己打开门
恶狠狠的解释
NO GIRLS ALLOWED!

Friday, July 15, 2011

What makes an almost unbearably long day (or week......or life) suddenly beautiful

S'more made by Amy


and

Picture taken by DD


Simply because

"I love Mommy"
and
"Mommy's super pretty".

Saturday, June 11, 2011

How I got my Ears Pierced --- by Amy Zhang and Mommy

This is me, Amy, getting my ears pierced at Claire's ( I also just got a haircut. Do you like it?).

I am seven and half, almost eight. I always wanted my ears to be pierced because my mommy has a lot of pretty earrings. But I was super scared because mommy told me they would have to poke a hole on my earlobe, and I think it HURTS! Mommy also told me that they would have to shoot the earrings into my earlobe. That sounds SUPER PAINFUL.
At my ballet dance recital, Ms. Geralyn said we need to wear white crystal earrings. So mommy got me some clip-ons. But my clip-ons kept falling. That's when I decided I have to get my ears pierced. Plus, Mommy's birthday is coming up.  I want to give mommy a gift. Since she really wants me to get my ears pierced, I am giving her the gift of that!

And this picture was taken on mommy's birthday, as planned.

On that day, the people at Claire's showed me how it's done on a cute teddy bear (You can see that teddy bear in my arms in this picture). It looked as scary and painful as I thought. So I told mommy I wanted to think about it.
We left the store and went to another store to check out clothes. When we were looking at all those dresses, I can't stop thinking about it. And I asked mommy,
"How much does it hurt?"
Then I pinched her ears and asked her again,
 " Does it hurt that much?"
Mommy replied,
"It hurts this much!" pinching my ears really hard.
I thought, that was not too bad. So I told mommy,
" I WANT TO DO IT!"
Mommy took me back to Claire's and they let me pick which kind of earrings they would use to shoot into my earlobes. There are a lot of beautiful earrings to choose from, I was CONFUSED! Eventually, I picked a daisy with rainbow colors. They sparkle very beautifully.

Before the nice lady shoot my earlobes, she used some alcohol swab to clean up everything, including the marker she used to mark my ears ( you can see the purple dot in the picture). That's when I got SUPER SCARED AGAIN. The nice lady said I could hold on to teddy, hug him really really tight. When she shot my earrings in, I screamed,
"OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On the other ear I did the same thing, maybe even louder.

(By the way, Mommy forgot her camera at home. She had to ask some random person in the store to help us take these pictures. Mommy is crazy about pictures.)

Mommy and I were really excited after all these were done.At that time my ears didn't hurt any more. It felt like a MIRACLE! I looked into a mirror and stared at myself for a LONG time. I look SO BEAUTIFUL with those colorful sparkly earrings. I am VERY GLAD that I did this even though I thought I could never do this!

That is my story, and here are more pictures of me with my new earrings. Thank you for reading.


Tuesday, June 07, 2011

与小儿辩tooth fairy的存在性儿

小盆友早上起来,摸出枕头底下的钱
闲闲的问,Mommy, is Tooth Fairy for real?
啊!当然是真的了! --- 我这人好像没有什么道德观念 跟大人跟小孩儿撒谎都是手到擒来自然而然
But I thought Fairies don't exist.
为毛为毛为毛? --- 好像有点儿演过了哈。
what 毛? Fairies don't have 毛。
哦。。。马迷是问你为什么说没有fairy
YOU TOLD ME!!!!  --- 靠!
什么时候。。。马迷没有告诉过你吧。。。
When I said when I grow up, I want to be a fairy, you said there's no such thing. ---我滴那个苍~天~啊~~~
啊马迷的意思是说你不可能突然变成fairy。而且tooth fairy跟你说的fairy也不是一码事啊 ---我就说吧扯谎说瞎话我是行家。
Really?
当然了,不然嘞,你以为你枕头下面的钱哪儿来的?
It's you. You gave me money. --- 晴天霹雳~ 虽然tooth fairy这活儿不好干,总共小盆友就掉了十颗牙我硬是忘了两回。 可是小盆友如果就酱紫长大了就酱紫现实了,tooth fairy就酱紫下岗了,那还是非~常~的悲哀。
我才不给你钱捏!我凭什么啊!我又不要你的牙。 --- 怎样?不服不行吧?转脸儿就来啊我是。
That's right. You NEVER give me money,even after I do chores. 匆匆忙忙跑去记账的黑板查了一下,you owe me FIVE dollar and fifty cents! 
黄世仁小同志就此忘记了牙仙的辩论,抓起马迷的钱包收账去了。
马迷一个人坐在这里发愁,辩论的今天就酱紫毫无预警的来到了,否决牙仙的明天,还远么?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

姐姐

今天收到网路爱人从加州寄来的生日礼物












打开盒子的瞬间惊呆了
里面的那只小熊
跟十五年前姐姐给我买的生日礼物 (人老了就是酱紫 回忆起来一套一套的 而且还都十五年十五年的有没有?!!!!)
一模一样(右面的那只是姐姐买的)


(我们两个简直已经是般配/默契到了不可思议的那么一个地步,鉴于标题是“姐姐”,需要围观PDA的同学们请挪步这里。)

十五年前
姐姐刚刚上班
一个月一千块钱的工资
吃穿用度外加谈恋爱
几块钱的时装杂志都是奢侈品
可是妹妹我只消在燕莎信手一指
“啊~~~~~这个豪~~~~~~~~可爱啊!!!!!!!”
姐姐便一个人又偷偷的跑回城东
花掉四百块钱买它回来给我做生日礼物

不擅长表达感情的人
写到这里
发呆三十分钟
不知道如何收场

想起来星期天带着家里面的那一位姐姐去宜家,买她帮马迷打扫房间/照顾弟弟的奖品
小盆友挑了很~~~~~~~~~~久挑中了一只毛绒狗狗,跟她家里已经有的一只刚好凑成母子。
马上要交钱的时候突然想起来家里猪睡的那一位
But DD likes puppy too! Can we get him one, a white one,PLEASE????
啊一只狗十块钱耶,你老娘我还穿着新买的四寸半高跟鞋耶,宜家很~~~大耶。。。走回去一趟废钱又废脚又废鞋有没有?!!!
You've gotta earn your prize. DD didn't work, so we don't get him one.     --- 啊是不是老~有道理了?!!!我堪称是急智善辩的教育专家耶有没有?!!!
小盆友想不出什么对策来,兀自忧心忡忡。 But what if he wants mine?!
When we get home, I bet he's still napping. You just go ahead and hide it in your room, OK? 
回到家里,猪小弟果然还没有起。小盆友抓起狗狗咚咚咚咚跑上楼,我还以为她去藏起来。
没想到她一口气跑到弟弟的房间,一声断和叫醒了弟弟,
DD Look!!! I got a puppy. But I'll let you have it!
从此这两只狗狗,在我们家,就处于了一个母子天各一方的悲惨状态。













Amy晚上抱着她的大狗睡着以前问我,Mommy, what if the little puppy gets scared because his mommy is with me? 
我告诉她
马迷去给小狗狗买一个姐姐
有姐姐的人
永远也不会孤单
永远也不会害怕。



啊对呀
瞅着眼熟是吧
我写到这里
自己都觉得自己好像打不出什么新字儿来了。。。。。。
In my defense,从上次发酸到现在,时隔一年半之久,这两位又多打了五百来架,姐姐居然不仅没有跟DD断绝姐弟关系,还可以爱DD爱成酱紫,真的是非常的可歌可泣。



Sunday, April 24, 2011

爱的宣言

儿子马上就要四岁的高龄
终于领悟了生日的厉害
某次参加小盆友生日会回来
恶狠狠的说,I WANT GIFTS TOO! I WANT TODAY TO BE MY BIRTHDAY! RIGHT NOW!!!!
姐姐两岁没到就会要的东西,傻儿子终~于琢磨明白了,马迷赶紧给他也订了一个生日会以示庆贺:我儿他不傻真的不傻啊~他就是~迟~~~
从此,儿子每天的起床气睡觉气吃饭气跟姐姐打架气等等等等所有的人生愤怒就都集中在这一件事情上面了。不管吵什么架吵到最后的中心思想都是,len生啊你何其不公,时间啊您倒是快走两步,为毛为毛为毛今天还~~~~~~~不是我的生日?!!!!!
于是今天早上一大早六点钟(是啊我们家小盆友有内置闹钟,工作日打都打起不来一到周末集体六点起床)此人就一骨碌下床怒吼 IS IT TODAY MY BIRTHDAY ?的时刻,我已经非常处变不惊了,从我们屋闭着眼睛挪到儿子屋的沙发上懒懒的回了一句,NO!!!!躺下继续睡。
儿子从姐姐那里学了一整套发脾气体系
摔脸子
跺脚
扔东西
全体都用完了,仍然很不解气
过来一掌把我拍醒
MOMMY!!!!!!! WHY IS IT STILL NOT MY BIRTHDAY?!!!!!!
I AM VERY MAD!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

我们家的两个数学天才

天才一号
天才一号时年七岁半,算算数仍然长期依赖掰手指头
最近学了乘法,自己觉得自己非常了不起
对马迷偶尔提起来的九九乘法表采取极端的蔑视态度
为了表明自己确实比马迷的层次高些
有事没事就要求马迷考自己一下
考简单了不以为然
考难了就自己躲在角落拿张纸片乱涂乱画然后崩溃了事
某天马迷问11x11是多少?
小盆友想了三分钟
笑眯眯很得意的回答 102!
(10x10=100,多出来的两个一就干脆胡乱的加上算了)

天才二号
天才二号马上就要四岁了
讨糖吃的时候方才兴起给你数一下数
某天马迷问DD你究竟可以一直一直数到几?
小盆友看着马迷手里的糖豆
咽咽口水
慢慢的数将开来
ONE~TWO~......TEN~ ELEVEN~TWELVE~.....NINETEEN~TEN!TEEN!
想想觉得不对,暗自纠正自己,TWENTY!  TWENTY-ONE~TWENTY-TWO~... TWENTY!TEN!!!!
然后非常得意的就自己开始从马迷手里扒拉糖豆子,SEE? I CAN COUNT TO TWENTY TEN! I AM VERY SMART!
嘎嘣嘎嘣嚼了一气糖豆子,意犹未尽道,马迷,DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COUNT? 
马迷只好很谦虚的回答,略知一~二~
小盆友进入好为人师MODE,才懒得管马迷讲的鸟语,OK, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS A ONE AND A ZERO PUT TOGETHER?
说道很HIGH,不等马迷回答,立刻揭晓大奖,ONE AND A  ZERO MEANS TEN!
一路叽叽咕咕的讲下去,一直到,FIVE AND ZERO TOGETHER,理直气壮的自问自答,FIVE AND ZERO MEANS FIVETY!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

女人的要求

小盆友的学校作息时间非常不人道
早上七点四十五必须要在教室里面坐好
这难道不是我们这种生长在红旗下不知道什么叫做人权的孩子才需要遵守的“早睡早起”的真理么
为毛他们美帝也要这样限制人民大众睡觉的自由?!
我愤怒我呐喊。
(如果没有坐好,需要去走廊罚站, 我第一次听说更是大为震惊。世界这是要大同是不是?!)

话说我们家这一位,跟睡觉有仇有了很~~~~~多年,从来都是有点儿风吹草动,立刻闭着眼睛弹将起来,“我不悃了我醒了我不要睡了!”
可是显然她跟马迷的仇儿更大。
多少年如一日,不到七点她就闹得鸡飞狗跳墙,可是赶到这学校一要求要早起了,大小姐立刻给你长出赖床的习惯来,每天早上叫她起床就可以叫得人七窍生烟,十之有九逃难一般的早晨以母女对吼做结。
(当然了,一到周末,人家还是可以大半夜的就精神矍铄的坐起来,马迷我可以开灯么?!开你个大头鬼啊!)

今天早上我大概是起床起猛了,伤到了什么气血经脉,去叫小盆友起床的时候,拨开她乱糟糟的头发,听着她均匀的呼吸,晨光中仿佛可以看到小盆友脸上一层细细的绒毛反射着柔和的金光,一时间有些恍惚,好像还是那个嘟嘟脸拉着马迷的手讲话连你我都分不清楚的小胖子。
突然很心疼
一反常态的过去摸了摸她已经没有肉了的小脸儿
爬上床去
陪她一起躺着
小小声的叫她起床

问题是
马迷我是中了邪走了火入了魔
大小姐她可还是非常的正常
一巴掌扇过来
NO!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA GET UP!!!!!!!!!!

怎奈何马迷我这一口邪气上来还压不下去了
居然还是有心情跟大小姐玩儿了三个游戏讲了两个笑话
甚至!按照半昏迷的大小姐的命令挑好了衣服
给~~~~~她从头到脚穿好
笑嘻嘻的告诉她,快点下楼去吃东西喔,马迷要去搞张二赖了。

那边的小少爷一点儿也不比大小姐省心
念了三本书许了十块糖
方才穿戴完毕

转过头去看
靠~~~~~大小姐穿戴整齐的躺在床上又!!!!!!睡着了
啊老娘我就算是磕了药也不能HIGH到这个份儿上吧,顿时回复了怒吼的常态
一巴掌打在她的屁股上,赶紧起来赶紧起来,不起来要迟到了!!!!!
小盆友慢吞吞的爬起来,恶狠狠的跺脚泄愤,低着头,耷拉着脸,气哼哼的跟着我往楼下走。

老娘我百年不遇的心情大好一次
自然要take一些credit
希望this one goes into the book
你看,马迷对你那~~~~~么好,你自己不起床,上学要迟到了,你还跟马迷发脾气,你这样做对么?
小盆友想了想,代表全宇宙的女性发表感言如下
I know what you said is right. I know I am wrong. I know I shouldn't have attitude.
But I just don't like the way you talk to me the last time! Like you were mad at me or something!


SERIOUSLY GUYS,
It's NEVER about what you say, it's ALWAYS about how you say it.
Also, it's NEVER about the one million things that you did right. It's ALWAYS about that one thing that you did wrong.

Monday, April 04, 2011

Make-up savvy kiddos

大周末的起床刷了一下牙,吆喝着小盆友们出门去滑梯。
遭到一号小盆友非常无情的质问
马迷你为什么没有wear make up?! 马迷你look ugly this way.
搞得马迷我呆立在当场,不知道是应该因为自己先天不足而难过还是因为自己后天努力而自豪。
一号刚刚质问完毕,那边二号非常神奇的从自己的玩具堆里面摸出一把睫毛夹来,唱二人转的也没有配合得这么天衣无缝的吧。
马迷makeup 马迷makeup!
只好在两个小盆友的胁迫以及监视下开始画皮。
一边画旁边还有人不停的offer technical support.
马迷我能sharpen your pencil么
PINK! PURPLE! 马迷 SPARKLE!!!!!!
全都搞好了一号很满意,See?!  You look MUCH better!不止是酱紫的泛泛而谈喔,人家是非常specific的,Now your eyes don't look so tired any more and your face does not have all the dots!
二号则被一些技术问题深深的迷惑住了,又摸到那把睫毛夹,上下左右研究半天,很concerned, 问道,马迷,when you cut your eye fingernail, does that hurt a lot?!完后还给我解释呐,see? hands have fingernail, feet have fingernail, eyes have fingernail too! when you cut my hand fingernail, sometime it hurts, when you cut your eyes fingernail, does it hurt too?

          

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

D领导的苦恼

开车去动物园的路上
DD在后面指挥交通
红灯的时候会早早的告诉马迷
STOP! you need to STOP! you stopped TOO FAST mommy! That is TOO DANGEROUS! 
What if we bumped? We still need this car! If we bumped, we don't have this car, and I love this car. 
And then, I WILL BE SAD! 
I am VERY DUS-APPOINTED!
绿灯的时候马迷也一样里外不是人
HONK HONK! When I say HONK you can go. 
If I don't say HONK, that means it's not safe to go! 
If I don't say HONK, and you go, that IS! VERY! BAD! 
You are DUS-TRACTING me, you know?
故此上了高速公路,小领导颇有些不满意
Where are all the traffic lights mommy?! WHERE ARE THEY?!
马迷遭到领导的斥责,非常内疚,赶紧道歉,Because we are on a HIGH WAY, there's no traffic lights on high way,sorry buddy.                          ---> 有没有这么窝囊的马迷啊
小领导看下属认罪态度诚恳,心情大好,终于改变了命令句式,非常和蔼可亲的跟下属唠起了家常,
So, there's no traffic lights on HIGH way. 
Then, there's ONLY traffic light on LOW way,right mommy?

===============苦恼下属无能   与     苦恼自己做人压力太大的分界线================

D对马迷要求高,对自己的要求更高。
某天中午起床,我说DD你去把衣服穿穿好,我们去公园,好不好?
DD一个人咚咚咚跑到楼上,折腾了十分钟还没有下来,我正要上去看看他是不是又沿途发现了三个汽车两本画书一块石头(什么?家里为毛有石头?你家里为毛没有石头我问你!!!!!!)忘记了正事儿,他的房间里就传来了悲切的哭声。


一个背心小同志穿不上脱不下
又坚决不肯让下人们帮忙
做领导好~~~~~~~~~~~~~苦恼~~~~~~~喔~

Monday, March 07, 2011

误会

张可意嘴虽然很笨,但是完全不耽误他从马迷这里继承过去的“好为人师”基因发扬光大。
很多次我去学校接他,都可以在二里地以外就听到这个人声色俱厉的对周围的小盆友发号施令
Be quiet! Be quiet guys!!!!!!
偶尔还可以听到他的一声叹息,Come on, I said, BE QUIET! I am DUSA-PPOINTED in you!!!!! You are DUS-TRACTING me!!!! You are giving me a headache!!!!!

在学校尚且如此,这只窝里横在家里是如何的作威作福就更加不要说了。
但是有一件事情严重的影响了张老师的威信,那就是,语言问题。
爷爷奶奶来了三个月了,这个人还是能说英文坚决不说中文。
就算想说中文,也不是很得要领,某天问出了, "Mommy,  how do you say HI~ in 中文?" 这样的高级问题,得知答案居然也是HI以后,非常DUSA-PPOINTED.

今天我们一起出门,人多了自然嘴杂。
嘴杂了张老师就很不高兴,又开始帮助教育周围的同志,Be quiet guys! Be quiet!!!BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!
奶奶是很好学的人,经常拿着小盆友们的作业学英文,他们说简单的句子的时候,奶奶也喜欢学学口语,这时候就非常自然的接了一句, Be quiet~
居然有人敢这样无视老师的权威,公然挑衅,张老师自然怒火中烧,狠狠的瞪着奶奶,拉开了干架的姿势,YOU be quiet!
奶奶还是完全不知情,继续非常好学的模仿,连语气也学的很像,YOU be quiet!
NO!!!!!!!!! YOU be quiet!
No!YOU be quiet!
YOU!!!!!!!!!BE!!!!!!!!QUIET!!!!!!!!没等奶奶的进一步反应,张老师彻底崩溃了,嚎啕大哭起来。



Tuesday, March 01, 2011

30 for 30 Challenge, I AM DONE!!!!!!

Alright, I'll just come out and admit it, I am neither ARTSY nor CREATIVE.
This is TOUGH, and SUPER EXHAUSTING, and not nearly as fun as I thought it would be.

To get though it without going crazy, of course I broke the rule.
But ONLY ONCE.
It is a bag with my name written allover it. It actually called me in my dreams.In broad daylight. My dreams.
(Apparently we can revisit the "without going crazy" thing on some other day, but that is totally besides the point.)
As we all know, no one in their right mind would pass by a bag that can talk, right?! right?! right?!
AND IT IS EXTRA 40% OFF. No discussion needed, period.
Actually I am very proud of myself that I ONLY broke the rule ONCE!!!
So let's call it a REWARD for me, instead of breaking the rules, shall we?





I just couldn't resist clicking the "collage" button (not unsimilar -- yes, I just made up a word -- to the "add to the shopping cart" button).
Here we go, my no shopping 30 days(Yes, I am sticking to the reward story).
Let's NOT do this again, please. (Yes, the people in my head call themselves "us" and they have way better manner than I do).
(On a related note, No, I have no clue why they decided to talk in English today.)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday, February 13, 2011

奶奶的攀比

我爸妈是根儿红苗正的老党员,对于请客送礼压岁红包等等一系列封建余毒,都是不遗余力的抵制抗拒。所以我老人家已经临界不惑之年,这辈子收集的压岁钱全都敛在一起,也是屈米老鼠的手指头就完全可数的那么一个凄惨场面。

故此去年过年,我姐认认真真的把一张十美元的大额货币塞进好几美元买来的红包里面的时候,那简直就是我这辈子见过的最大的红包。
可惜,不是给我的。

小盆友收到红包,自然欢呼雀跃一番,迫不及待的把钱收好,跟我们一起去妞妞家过年。
还没跨进人家家门槛呢,就拿出刚致富的农民企业家的气概 (i.e.,乡亲们啊,我张老一活了这。。。十来年。。。从来也没见过这么多钱啊~),甩着票子冲到妞妞面前,
HELEN HELEN Guess What, I've got TEN DOLLARS!!!"
妞妞是个慢性子,平时两个人画画儿大概齐就是amy画十个人,她画一只眼睛那么一个状况。所以这次她也没着急,慢慢悠悠儿的欣赏了amy攥湿了的十块钱,很冷静的回
My Grandma gave me ONE~ HUNDRED~ DOLLARS!!!!"
张农民顿时就崩溃了 "OH MAN!!!!!!!This is SOOOO NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!" 完后还非常本色的要过人家的百元大钞,仔细摩挲了一阵。

时光飞逝如电
冬去春回
转眼就是一年。
十二月的时候,我~~~~~们的奶奶来了。
奶奶来了没两天,小盆友居然自己琢磨出一句很完整的中文过去问奶奶
奶奶,什么时候过中国新年啊~
完后还一反常态的调整出很多语法非常正确发音字正腔圆的中文来继续解释
奶奶,中国新年你给我钱~妞妞的奶奶就给了!妞妞的奶奶给了她一百块呐~
我基本上百分之九十确认在过去的很多个月里面,小盆友一直都在计划着这一天的来临,包括台词对白在内。

奶奶是跟姥姥不一样的人。
姥姥在的时候,天天跟小盆友置气,让你不说中文!回过头来还要郑重的教育我不要忘记了自己是个中国人。
奶奶则是在我提醒小盆友说中文的时候,和颜悦色的笑笑,咳,他们是美国人,他们说英文挺好听的,学中文干嘛。
同理可以应用在压岁钱上面。
还没等过年,小盆友swim meet一举击败另外两~~~~~名小盆友游了个第一名,奶奶就补上了去年那个一百块钱的缺口。
过年就更甭说了,连大年初一都没等到,奶奶就揶给一号二号两个人各三~~~~~百块压岁钱。
(二号小盆友郑重其事的打开红包,仔仔细细的数了八遍,回过头来严肃的向我宣布,GRANDMA GAVE ME FORTY CENTS! 奶奶的这档子冤案是题外话,按下不表)

于是就有了上个星期妞妞跟远在北京的奶奶视频的故事
妞妞: 奶奶~你知道么~amy的奶奶,给了她三百块压岁钱~
妞妞的奶奶:啊呀,奶奶离得这么远,这可怎么办啊。。。。

The Wiggly Tooth by Amy Zhang

DISCLAIMER  REQUESTED BY DADDY:  IT'S FICTION!!!!!!!!!

    My tooth is wiggly. A little, at least. I already lost ten, and now, I'm waiting for this one to fall out. Unfortunately, it takes a veeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time for that to happen. I'm mad, because I want it to fall out right away.
    Yesterday, I came up with an idea. I would wiggle my tooth very hard, so my tooth would think, " I want to come out!"
    Well, that didn't go well. It just made my tooth hurt a looooooooooooooot. It doesn't hurt a lot right now. Not as much as yesterday. I'm just saying, I'm mad.
    Today I asked my mom how to make my tooth fall out. She said,
    "Wait."
    So, I waited, an waited, and waited. I waited a looooooooooooooooong time. I got tired of waiting. So, I asked my dad how to lose my tooth other than waiting. He said,
    " I have no idea how to lose a tooth, an leave me along. I'm taking a nap!"
    Great. I'll never lose a tooth. Okay. The thing is, I want to.
    Guess what? I lost my tooth!!!!!!!! It's bed time, so I'm putting it under my pillow.
    Problem: My other tooth is wiggly.

30 for 30 challenge, week 2



上个星期DD陪马迷出场
这次派浓妆艳抹芙蓉姐好了