爸爸带宝

爸爸晚上上课，所以和小人儿玩儿的时间不多。放假，爷儿俩都挺珍惜。

爸爸手上有块老茧，小人儿想起来就捧过爸爸的手，狠狠的亲亲，爱怜的念，爸爸got a bubu，poor 爸爸。

爸爸给little people打针，给little people叠罗汉，小人儿都学。爸爸黔驴之计，坐在沙发上念起佛来，阿迷佗佛阿迷佗佛，边念边偷瞧。小人儿在一边儿坐着，双手也赶紧合十，静静的听了听，学样念起来，妈咪托佛妈咪托佛。


爸爸晚上临睡觉前感慨，爸爸还是没有妈妈厉害，有什么事情还是要妈妈拜托佛祖才可以。


小人儿自己改编了barney的歌曲，大声高唱，SAILING SAILING马达嘎达爸～一唱唱N遍。爸爸听了，很羡慕其人才华，便也学唱，SAILING SAILING马达嘎达爸～小人儿盯着爸爸困惑的问，爸爸，WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!

FIRST REAL THANKSGIVING

amy已经错过了两个感恩节。这次，总算是“正经”过了过。

先是之前一个星期幼儿园里聚了餐，大家念了PRIMROSE "PRAYER",THANK了天上地下一个溜够。正经吃的时候，一口也没吃。亏大发了。：（

真的感恩节还和函函哥哥一家又聚了餐。正经吃的时候，大概吃了一口。
共计和函函哥哥打架无数次。打到最后，函函哥哥不得不凶狠的说，不想再和AMY玩儿了。：（



黑色星期五，和爸爸妈妈逛商场逛了一整天，中午午睡时间都激动的没睡着。
下午七点，爸爸妈妈呆滞的盯着前方，往家挪去的时候，还兴奋的说，I DON'T WANNA GO TO BIG HOUSE, I WANNA GO TO ANOTHER STORE...

之后两天，在家修整。
of course,还去坐merry go around来着。
妈妈首先没有想到的是，商场延长了营业时间，居然七点才关门。
六点钟，坐了五次了都，还没有停的样子,妈妈狠苦恼当时。
不过，妈妈更没有想到的是，小朋友，真的是很傻嘀。跟她说，最后一次了啊。
她自己就说，HORSIE'S TIRED。下了马就跑了，居然没有回头看，大马还在转着。:p

NEGOTIATION

最近对付坏蛋的办法是数数。函函哥哥来PLAYDATE，两个人为任何一个玩具都要大打出手。胖子个子大，函函哥哥打不过，告状。妈妈只好去调解。调解，其实就是数数。
“咱们数数好不好？数到十，就换AMY玩儿~，好么？”
两个人都用力点头。然后，玩儿的那个人也不玩儿了，霸着玩具静静的期待可怕的一刻的来临。等的人也不急，大声中英文的混杂数数，数到十，交换，再数到十，再换，屡试不爽。结果就是，一个PLAYDATE，好像没人玩儿。拿起一个玩具就数数，数了一下午。

转过天来，今天晚上，在浴缸里面泡爽了，坏蛋不出来。妈妈只好再搬出法宝，数！数！
“咱们数数好不好？数到十，就出来，好么？”
坏蛋便开始数，ONE！TWO！THREE！FOUR！FIVE！ NOW IT’S DONE！
轮到妈妈不忍心了，我们不能骗傻孩子，是吧？
“咱们不是说好了数到十么？没有数到啊，接着数，数好了咱们再出来，好不好？”
“OK！ONE！..."
妈妈无语，她是真傻还是装傻阿？不是从六开始数啊？又数一遍啊？张口结舌被她气得。
结果人家那边，“ONE！TWO！THREE！FOUR！FIVE！NOW IT’S TIME！”
赤条条的从水里站起来。
这下子妈妈知道了，人家不是真傻，人家是装得，你看，二五一十的道理都懂。聪明。

THREE

带坏蛋去商场。
一个导购看见，夸我们可爱，问，how old are you?
坏蛋心情好，费劲举起胖手，比出三的样子，得意的说，THREE!
导购答，WOW！ YOU ARE BIG FOR YOUR AGE.

喝可乐的下场

昨天幼儿园感恩节大聚餐。有的小朋友什么都不吃，就是要喝爸爸杯子里面的可乐。
喝了小半杯，半夜一点突然开始兴奋，点名批评DEVIN, AVORY, SEAN,等人各N次，要求妈妈唱生日歌给阿姨听N次，闹了三个小时才无奈的睡去，妈妈早上六点钟还爬起来去机场送人，痛哭。
妈妈立下誓言，谁再给她喝可乐，谁就是小狗子。

还是怕

万圣节过去了，商场里面的妖精怪物都回家了，爸爸妈妈总算是可以带着小坏蛋一起逛商场了。不料，圣诞节又快来了。商场里面出现了且歌且舞的圣诞老人。一家人再次仓惶逃走。

不去商场，去PLAYGROUND吧，大概二里地以外有个推土机在工作，嘀嘀怪叫，于是滑梯都不滑了，要求回家。什么叫做叶公好龙？推土机难道没有轱辘么？不动的时候你不是很喜欢乜？

转过天，不去PLAYGROUND了，去喂鸭子，被一只鸭子吓得，疯狂号哭。

Director's office

When i was little, i was quite a frequent visitor to director's office. Being a model student, i was often called upon to go to the office to get awards, to represent other fellow students to a meeting, or to hand in some projects. Hence, one can imagine my shock when amy was called to the director's office twice in a roll last week, for very NAUGHTY reasons. Who said like mother, like daughter? She's simply the exact opposite of model citizen mommy.

The first time, the reason is just pure naughty. They were in the playground. Amy's buddy Devin said she wanted to go potty. Then of course Amy decided she wanted to go, too. Since the teacher was busy taking devin to potty, Amy chose to do so all by herself, IN THE PLAYGROUND. When the teacher found her, she already pushed her pants all to her feet. The teacher told Amy if she doesn't pull her pants up, she'd be in timeout. But a strong mind is not easily intimidated. Amy's like, whatever, and sat in timeout with her pants on her feet. After a while, she got bored. But instead of pulling her pants up and apologizing for her behavior, she took one step further across the line. She TOOK HER DIAPER OFF, IN PUBLIC! So there she is, in the playground, completely naked, and proundly chuckling. Even though i was shocked by the fact that she was taken to the director's office, i was not unfamiliar with her proud look when the authorities got defeated. I can totally imagine her expression when she got into the director's office. It's NOT pretty.

The second time, in just one day, amy has worked herself up from simply being naughty to being disrespective to teacher. Long story short, something happened, amy's in her timeout. She pulled her pants off AGAIN, the teacher "threatened" her again. Instead of pulling her diaper off this time, she STUCK her TONGUE to the teacher and made a face. Talk about NOT pretty. :(

DON'T BITE IT, MOMMY!

去sam's club，她爸饿了，说要买吃的，就很一视同仁的问她，你要吃什么？
小家伙抬头看着大大的招牌，想了半天，果断的说，ICECREAM!
杯装的卖完了，老妈子也不敢抗旨不尊，买了个ICECREAM BAR回来给她。
老大一个BAR，她狐疑的看着，轻轻舔了一下，确定还是ICECREAM，才欢天喜地的接了。
不许妈妈碰。两个小手拼命攥着下面的棍棍，很重，攥的小指甲都发白了。
小心翼翼的舔着吃，伸着肥厚的舌头，得意的说，EMMMMM YUMMY IT'S GOOD!
眼见着老大一个BAR就要化掉了，抠门妈妈不舍得就这么浪费了，试探着问，妈妈能咬一口么？
很孝顺的摇摇晃晃递过来给妈妈。
妈妈是什么风格的人啊，上来就伉吃一口，咬掉四分之一。
小人儿立刻悲愤的号啕大哭起来，DON'T BITE IT MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DON'T BITE IT MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
一直到妈妈慢慢和她解释，你看，咬一口以后，成了狗狗的形状了，好不好？这才不哭了。

what happened to my belly

周日，5次merry go around以后，晕头转向的老两口儿实在没劲儿回家做饭了，带着嘴里不停念叨merry go around的小家伙去饭馆儿。
问她，你要吃什么？
答，MACRONI AND CHEESE!还不忘捎带着说一句，MERRY GO AROUND IS FUN!
中国餐馆儿啊，谁卖macroni and cheese?
胡乱的点了一碗面，一个菜，跟她说，没有macroni and cheese，你爱吃不吃。
人家命令道：饭饭！
吃了大半碗白饭以后，妈妈的瞎担心毛病又上来了，挨盘儿问，吃不吃这个？吃不吃那个？这个好吃死了，你不吃妈妈和爸爸都吃了啊！...人家无动于衷。妈妈不用爸爸提醒，已经认识到自己烦人了，就开始琢磨旁门左道。牛腩面的汤狠好喝，偷偷拌了饭喂她。
小家伙试图吐出来，一转念，又咽下去了，问，what happened to 饭饭？
妈妈只好坦白，这个是汤汤饭饭，好吃么？得到首肯，拌了汤的饭又喂了大半碗。
既然汤汤饭饭都吃了，那汤汤你喝么？喝！
一大碗汤都喝下去以后，小人儿突然撩起毛衣和衬衣，看着圆鼓鼓的肚子问我，
MOMMY!WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BELLY?
我和她爸乐不可支，你吃多了吧？
认真的答，YEAH!

though, too, and either

i always thought adverbs are one of the hardest things in english. can never use the right ones in the right places. to amy though, it's so much easier.

one morning her daddy and i took turn to have breakfast with her. i couldn't finish my muffin, so left it to her daddy. as soon as her daddy sat down, she made a very long speech:
"mommy done with the muffin. bubby's eating the muffin. it's mommy's muffin THOUGH!"

the drive from daycare to our home is quite short, 3 minutes top. she always wants to stay in the car longer. one day i was in a hurry, so i told her, 妈妈走了啊. she immediately jumped down from her car seat and shouted, I WANT TO 走了TOO!

well, one might say, moms always exaggerate kids' achievement, what's the big deal with "though"and "too"? ok, i'll give you that. but how about "either"?
this morning i asked amy if she wanted a ponytail. she looked at me for a while and then said, "no, mommy do not have a ponytail EITHER!"
how can she know where to use TOO and where to use EITHER at age 2? as a typical mom, i'll just tell myself, i am raising a genius. :)

周末

从两级台阶上摔下来一次，痛哭五分钟，转过天早上起来仍然以bumped head为由骗玩儿ICEPACK两次，妈妈遂放心，没有摔傻。

和函函哥哥阿黛姐姐play date两次。第一次不放人家走，痛哭五分钟，爸爸妈妈只好饭后又领着去耍。date期间，因为N个玩具打架N*M次。函函哥哥逮着谁跟谁告状N*M次。某小朋友天生刘胡兰，咬紧牙关不告状，硬抢N*M次，身大力不亏，倒是也没落在下风。

和三只鸭子玩儿的甚欢。一只鸭子情绪上来了，扑棱翅膀两次，某人吓得撒腿就跑，跑出十米开外，才敢回头。

最后，坐MERRY GO AROUND, 六次！

坏蛋

me:amy坏蛋！
amy:mommy坏蛋！
me:mommy才不是坏蛋呢，amy是坏蛋！
amy:(想了很长时间。。。大概是觉得，啊，你会说这么长的句子啊，我不会啊，怎么办？）amy no 坏蛋！！
me:amy就是坏蛋，大坏蛋！
amy:(又想了很长时间）amy大坏no蛋！
me:那好吧，amy不是大坏蛋，是小坏蛋，好么？
amy:OK!
me:amy是大坏蛋还是小坏蛋啊？
amy:PROUDLY,amy小坏蛋！
此时爸爸经过，
amy:爸爸BIG坏蛋！

SHARE

幼儿园里，血雨腥风，小朋友们，学回家的，不外乎，MINE！ NO！ NO TOUCH！ THAT IS NOT NICE！等等，防卫词汇。
不过偶尔滴，也会冒出一些礼节性或者秩序性的言论，吓妈妈一跳。
昨天晚上，正在沐浴，进行到小朋友最痛恨的洗脸一步，开始反抗，左手抢，抢不到，扔了右手的玩具，右手抢，还是抢不到，两个手抢，终于愤怒了，呵斥妈妈，
THAT IS NOT NICE MOMMY！
妈妈一笑置之。小朋友就开始开动脑筋了，来硬的不行阿，那和妈妈讲道理好了，
YOU HAVE TO SHARE MOMMY！ IT‘S AMY’S TURN NOW MOMMY！
妈妈听了，甚欢。至少，小朋友知道，这个SHARE，最大，比NICE不NICE都重要，留到最后来压人。嗯。幼儿园交的钱，值了。
跟爸爸谈论自己的心得，爸爸7道，SHARE还不灵的话，她就该咬人了，你说，钱交的，值么？

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

某日，我不慎放了一个屁，被小人听到。
遂纵声长笑，半分钟有余。
笑罢，命令道，MOMMY， AGAIN！

Communication problem

Sometime i do wish amy speak better (of course, other time, i'd wish she couldn't speak at all, like when she yell I DON'T WANNA to me).

yesterday, after she got home from day care, she insisted on exposing her bottom, no pants, no diaper. And everytime she tried to sit down, she'd get up and make a semi-cry (it's semi, cuz i can't tell if it's real cry or it's just whine), PP HURTS! i told her i need to check her bottom. she'd lie down and then get up immediately. i tried to put some diaper cream on her, she wouldn't let me. i tried to persuade her to sit in warm water, of course she wouldn't agree. finally, i gave her an icepack and that made her settle down a little bit. but she still wouldn't let me ice it for her even though she herself didn't know where to ice it...

up until she thought of baby einstein, she's constantly cranky, whining from time to time... and then, baby einstein magically healed her PP.

then it's this morning, the first thing she asked for is that icepack. but with a sneaky smile this time. as if she's saying, i cheated you into letting me play that icepack yesterday~ i am almost convinced now that yesterday she's pretending. but without communicating clearly, how the hell would i know?!

胆小鬼的万圣节－怕与糖的斗争

一言以蔽之，怕是怕了个半死，糖，还是要去要的。

戴家的小区，出了名的能折腾，据说圣诞节前后会有人驱车百里去他们的小区看灯。按照这个据说来推理，万圣节也不会差。于是，早早和戴商量好了，到时候，我们去他们家，一起去要糖。

六点钟，AMY爸爸要去学校上课（DORK就是酱紫的，过不过节，学习是正经），开车送我们去戴家，刚拐进小区，就看见路边人流涌动，跟北京的人潮没法 比，在地广人稀的德克萨斯，倒确实是很罕见的了，偶尔一个扮成鬼的孩子匆匆跑过，脖子上荧光绿的项链烁烁发光，鬼气真的是森然啊。

到了戴家，阿黛姐姐来开门，一把糖洒在了AMY的南瓜里，算是今晚的第一笔收获，AMY从此爱上了阿黛姐姐，黑灯瞎火要糖的旅途中，走走就找找，ADELLA~ADELLA~WHERE ARE YOU?

函函哥哥已经吃上了自家的糖，兴奋得难以名状。一块硬邦邦的水果糖嚼得嘎吱吱响，有的跟屁虫立刻也流下了羡慕的口水，强烈要求妈妈也给一块糖，立场坚定的 妈妈展望未来，这一晚上关于糖的战斗还有很多，不能输在头一仗上，义正词严嘀加以拒绝。其人倒还识相，大概是估计到晚上依靠妈妈的地方还很多，勉强收回了 请求。

主客坐下来吃饭，门铃响个不断，阿黛姐姐根本就没吃一口完整的饭，干脆抱着饭碗站在门口去发糖，从一开始的来一个发一把发展到后来的一人只发一块糖，还不 算完，恨不得严查身份证，防止个别不自觉的要二回。这样热闹了一场，大人孩子没人能安心吃饭，匆匆扒了两口，领着娃就出了门。

刚才是开车，没看真切，这一次出了门，从视觉上的鬼影飘忽，到听觉上的鬼哭狼嚎，再加上我手里那只小手吓得死命的攥着，这个鬼节，才算是撤撤底底，真真怯怯的过了一回。

戴家的隔壁，据说有四个青春期前后的儿子，家门口的草地已经变成了坟墓，幽灵，骷髅，怪物，骨头，蜘蛛网.....但凡你能想到的，那里都有摆，大门半开 半掩，有雾气若有若无的飘出，音乐时断时续。函函哥哥酱紫爱糖如命的宝，都拉着姐姐逃命，更不用说我们这个胆小鬼了，蹲下来问她，你怕不怕？表情僵硬的回 答，怕怕。那你要不要去要糖？刘胡兰一样坚决的说，要！



再隔壁这家，也好不到哪里去，是为了节电还是过节不得而知，灯光幽幽的，正在犹豫要不要过去，一群孩子叫嚣着跑过来，有骷髅有妖怪，个别小朋友不仅蒙了 面，腰里还缠着音响，咿咿呜呜的叫个不停，胆小鬼同学手上的力道立刻又加了不少，轻轻的跟我说，怕！怕！好在那家大概来要糖的太多，主人干脆坐在门口，非 常恰到好处的赞扬了胆小鬼的costume，胖脸，小家伙立刻受了鼓励，小小声的说，trick or treat，换来糖两块。

从此，斗志昂扬，看到扮成幽灵的大人，幽灵牵着的和马一样高的狗狗，带着面具发糖的叔叔，等等，都一本正经的说，怕怕。但是每次提到要回家，都大声拒绝，NO!NO!NO!NO!

如此trick or treat了大半个小时，换来糖几十块，一行人等受不了冷风阵阵，回家转。戴的老公在家发糖，早早就发光了，再发家里能找到的QUARTER，也发光了， 只好关了门廊的灯，还是不断有人来骚扰，被吵得谁来按门铃都不开。害我们站在门廊三分钟，才偷偷探头过来开了门。

进门以后，可不可以吃糖，可以吃几块糖，哪几块糖，两家都分别打了N仗，函函哥哥的糖甚至都被以“巫婆收走了”的名义没收充了公，才兴高采烈的过完了这个万圣节，是AMY的，也是妈妈的第一个万圣节，结论有二：
一，怕与糖，轻重缓急，两岁，就完全可以分清楚了
二，要糖真的很艰苦啊，五六级的大风，不合身的COSTUME，吓人的一切，敲一次门只能要来一到两块糖，最后还很有可能被没收。小朋友们，还是要和自己的爸妈搞好关系，骗糖吃，是正经。