Too nice

I don't know if there is such a thing as being too nice. Or, is there anything hidden behind being nice? i am thinking feeling insecure might be the real reason for a person to be nice.

I totally don't mind myself being push-over or crowd-pleaser, doing things that i don't want to do just to make others happy. But when it comes to Amy, i always want her to be a free-spirited person, do whatever she herself wants...... Well, most of the time things just don't turn out to be the way you want, do they?! It's just amazing how i can see myself in her, even though she's only 18 months.

Yesterday morning when i dropped amy off at the day care, Vicky was sitting on the floor, blowing bubbles. All the kids were jumping up and down, chasing those bubbles, despite the fact that vicky has told them over and over and over again to sit down. However, the minute vicky said, amy come and sit down, amy sat down quietly, just looking at others playing. If there are bubbles coming her way, she'd try to poke them, if not, she'd just sit there, watching others. After a while, Vicky asked amy to blow the bubble. Again, she did exactly as Vicky instructed the instant she heard her. After that, she returned to her spot, sat down again, quietly.

That's when it hit me, all the things i see in Amy, the friendly smile, the Hi gesture, the hugs she gives out, and the kisses she blows... are all things she tries really hard to do, to please others. By nature, she's a rather shy and quiet kid. But she tries really hard to do what others tell her to do. She's either too nice and sweet or too insecure. I do want to believe it's the former.

As amy gets bigger and bigger, i question myself more and more often. Am i really prepared for this? Yes, i can feed her, change her and bath her, no problem. But when it comes to spiritual/personality/emotional needs and guidance, i really have no clue what to do.

I am trying to convice myself that parenting IS like this. Growing up together is a whole package, including feeling useless, helpless, and panicky.