宠物人生

根据我短暂的研究很少量的美国儿童文学得来的经验,他们美国人,对小动物的热爱,那是令人发指的.而我们家胖子呢,别的本事没有,跟人学她是专家.所以啊,这个风,她要是不跟,她就是我妈.
故此,和胖子有关宠物的谈话,我已经在脑子里面演习过很多遍.
昨天,胖子终于没有辜负我对她的期望与了解,给了我一次应用这个对话的机会.

-mommy, i have been thinking about pets recently.
(好家伙的,这个语法用的...)so?
-i've decided i need a pet. do you know where the pet store is?
(你决定?!小美国人就是狠啊,都是先发制人的路数儿)等等等等,你先跟妈妈说,你想要什么pet?
-a rabbit or a fish
(娃胆小就是好啊~我先扔个大词来吓唬吓唬她)well, i am glad you love animals (嗯,这个对话呢,中英文全有,主要是因为,爱啊啥的...偶中文实在是说不出来). but do you know a pet is a huge responsibility?
-what is responsibility?
-(娃哈哈哈哈,上套儿了吧)responsibility就是责任啊.你要是养一只兔子,那么兔子就是你的了.就好比妈妈要喂弟弟,要给弟弟换yucky diaper,要陪他玩儿,带他睡觉,跟你玩儿的时间少了一样.你要一直一直照顾兔子,你就没有时间玩儿了.
-then how about fish?
-(娃她还真不傻)
-well, fish we can talk.爸爸要是同意,妈妈就没意见.

我太景仰自己了我,这个局面让我handle的,有理有力有节,还有love.
正在陶醉,胖子又晃过来了.
-mommy, do you know pets will die?
-(晕倒...你你你你)huh?
-katherine had a hamster and then he died. what is die? ryan said die is become smushy and yucky, right mom?
-(这种局面...我只有拽英文了)well... yes, pets might die. when they die, they look like they are sleeping. it's just they won't talk to you or play with you anymore.
-then how come they die? how do they die? they become smushy?
-(抹抹汗,继续拽)well... when pets get old or sick, they will die, they don't become smushy. (actually they do... sorry kiddo)
-mommy, will people die?! (流露出害怕的表情)
-(口干舌燥大脑生锈ing)pets live a short short life, people will live a long long long long life, so you don't worry about that, ok?
-ok.but mom, where will dead pets go?
-(开始scream了)HEAVEN!妈妈炒菜呢,你你你你问爸爸去好不好?!

-daddy, do you know pets will go to heaven?what is heaven? where is heaven?
-heaven is up in the sky, above the cloud...(偶们家都酱紫,好像不会回答的问题,骗孩子啥的,说英文就比较容易了)
(此处省略why ah什么的还有她爸张口结舌抓耳挠腮最后急赤白脸等等细节一万字)
-爸爸喂弟弟呢,你问妈妈去吧.

-mommy,what does it look like?
-(狗急跳墙ing)没人知道,因为去了heaven的就没有回来过.
终于,被惊到了.
-i've decided i don't want a pet any more cuz they might die.
-GOOD FOR YOU! (FOR ME I MEAN)妈妈从来都没有过pet,你看妈妈不也长大了好好儿的.
-and actually i've already got a pet!
-我看看她手里抓着的毛绒玩具.对啊,你有好多好多小动物了已经!
-不是啊!他们是假的!DARRELL IS MY PET!he's messy, he crawls, he cries, he's my pet!
得意洋洋的走了,去捅她弟弟去了.生老二的又一个优越性就这样体现出来了,我长出一口气.