D领导的苦恼

开车去动物园的路上

DD在后面指挥交通

红灯的时候会早早的告诉马迷

STOP! you need to STOP! you stopped TOO FAST mommy! That is TOO DANGEROUS! 

What if we bumped? We still need this car! If we bumped, we don't have this car, and I love this car. 
And then, I WILL BE SAD! 

I am VERY DUS-APPOINTED!

绿灯的时候马迷也一样里外不是人

HONK HONK! When I say HONK you can go. 

If I don't say HONK, that means it's not safe to go! 

If I don't say HONK, and you go, that IS! VERY! BAD! 

You are DUS-TRACTING me, you know?

故此上了高速公路，小领导颇有些不满意

Where are all the traffic lights mommy?! WHERE ARE THEY?!

马迷遭到领导的斥责，非常内疚，赶紧道歉，Because we are on a HIGH WAY, there's no traffic lights on high way，sorry buddy.                          ---> 有没有这么窝囊的马迷啊

小领导看下属认罪态度诚恳，心情大好，终于改变了命令句式，非常和蔼可亲的跟下属唠起了家常，

So, there's no traffic lights on HIGH way. 

Then, there's ONLY traffic light on LOW way,right mommy?

===============苦恼下属无能   与     苦恼自己做人压力太大的分界线================

D对马迷要求高，对自己的要求更高。

某天中午起床，我说DD你去把衣服穿穿好，我们去公园，好不好？

DD一个人咚咚咚跑到楼上，折腾了十分钟还没有下来，我正要上去看看他是不是又沿途发现了三个汽车两本画书一块石头(什么？家里为毛有石头？你家里为毛没有石头我问你！！！！！！）忘记了正事儿，他的房间里就传来了悲切的哭声。

一个背心小同志穿不上脱不下

又坚决不肯让下人们帮忙

做领导好～～～～～～～～～～～～～苦恼～～～～～～～喔～

误会

张可意嘴虽然很笨，但是完全不耽误他从马迷这里继承过去的“好为人师”基因发扬光大。

很多次我去学校接他，都可以在二里地以外就听到这个人声色俱厉的对周围的小盆友发号施令

Be quiet! Be quiet guys!!!!!!

偶尔还可以听到他的一声叹息，Come on, I said, BE QUIET! I am DUSA-PPOINTED in you!!!!! You are DUS-TRACTING me!!!! You are giving me a headache!!!!!

在学校尚且如此，这只窝里横在家里是如何的作威作福就更加不要说了。

但是有一件事情严重的影响了张老师的威信，那就是，语言问题。

爷爷奶奶来了三个月了，这个人还是能说英文坚决不说中文。

就算想说中文，也不是很得要领，某天问出了， "Mommy,  how do you say HI~ in 中文?" 这样的高级问题，得知答案居然也是HI以后，非常DUSA-PPOINTED.

今天我们一起出门，人多了自然嘴杂。

嘴杂了张老师就很不高兴，又开始帮助教育周围的同志，Be quiet guys! Be quiet!!!BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!

奶奶是很好学的人，经常拿着小盆友们的作业学英文，他们说简单的句子的时候，奶奶也喜欢学学口语，这时候就非常自然的接了一句， Be quiet~

居然有人敢这样无视老师的权威，公然挑衅，张老师自然怒火中烧，狠狠的瞪着奶奶，拉开了干架的姿势，YOU be quiet!

奶奶还是完全不知情，继续非常好学的模仿，连语气也学的很像，YOU be quiet!

NO!!!!!!!!! YOU be quiet!

No!YOU be quiet!

YOU!!!!!!!!!BE!!!!!!!!QUIET!!!!!!!!没等奶奶的进一步反应，张老师彻底崩溃了，嚎啕大哭起来。

30 for 30 Challenge, I AM DONE!!!!!!

Alright, I'll just come out and admit it, I am neither ARTSY nor CREATIVE.
This is TOUGH, and SUPER EXHAUSTING, and not nearly as fun as I thought it would be.

To get though it without going crazy, of course I broke the rule.
But ONLY ONCE.
It is a bag with my name written allover it. It actually called me in my dreams.In broad daylight. My dreams.
(Apparently we can revisit the "without going crazy" thing on some other day, but that is totally besides the point.)
As we all know, no one in their right mind would pass by a bag that can talk, right?! right?! right?!
AND IT IS EXTRA 40% OFF. No discussion needed, period.
Actually I am very proud of myself that I ONLY broke the rule ONCE!!!
So let's call it a REWARD for me, instead of breaking the rules, shall we?





I just couldn't resist clicking the "collage" button (not unsimilar -- yes, I just made up a word -- to the "add to the shopping cart" button).
Here we go, my no shopping 30 days(Yes, I am sticking to the reward story).
Let's NOT do this again, please. (Yes, the people in my head call themselves "us" and they have way better manner than I do).
(On a related note, No, I have no clue why they decided to talk in English today.)

30 for 30 Challenge, Week 3

奶奶的攀比

我爸妈是根儿红苗正的老党员，对于请客送礼压岁红包等等一系列封建余毒，都是不遗余力的抵制抗拒。所以我老人家已经临界不惑之年，这辈子收集的压岁钱全都敛在一起，也是屈米老鼠的手指头就完全可数的那么一个凄惨场面。

故此去年过年，我姐认认真真的把一张十美元的大额货币塞进好几美元买来的红包里面的时候，那简直就是我这辈子见过的最大的红包。
可惜，不是给我的。

小盆友收到红包，自然欢呼雀跃一番，迫不及待的把钱收好，跟我们一起去妞妞家过年。
还没跨进人家家门槛呢，就拿出刚致富的农民企业家的气概 （i.e.,乡亲们啊，我张老一活了这。。。十来年。。。从来也没见过这么多钱啊～），甩着票子冲到妞妞面前，
“HELEN HELEN Guess What, I've got TEN DOLLARS!!!"
妞妞是个慢性子，平时两个人画画儿大概齐就是amy画十个人，她画一只眼睛那么一个状况。所以这次她也没着急，慢慢悠悠儿的欣赏了amy攥湿了的十块钱，很冷静的回
“My Grandma gave me ONE~ HUNDRED~ DOLLARS!!!!"
张农民顿时就崩溃了 "OH MAN!!!!!!!This is SOOOO NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!" 完后还非常本色的要过人家的百元大钞，仔细摩挲了一阵。

时光飞逝如电
冬去春回
转眼就是一年。
十二月的时候，我～～～～～们的奶奶来了。
奶奶来了没两天，小盆友居然自己琢磨出一句很完整的中文过去问奶奶
“奶奶，什么时候过中国新年啊～”
完后还一反常态的调整出很多语法非常正确发音字正腔圆的中文来继续解释
“奶奶，中国新年你得给我钱～妞妞的奶奶就给了！妞妞的奶奶给了她一百块呐～”
我基本上百分之九十确认在过去的很多个月里面，小盆友一直都在计划着这一天的来临，包括台词对白在内。

奶奶是跟姥姥不一样的人。
姥姥在的时候，天天跟小盆友置气，让你不说中文！回过头来还要郑重的教育我不要忘记了自己是个中国人。
奶奶则是在我提醒小盆友说中文的时候，和颜悦色的笑笑，咳，他们是美国人，他们说英文挺好听的，学中文干嘛。
同理可以应用在压岁钱上面。
还没等过年，小盆友swim meet一举击败另外两～～～～～名小盆友游了个第一名，奶奶就补上了去年那个一百块钱的缺口。
过年就更甭说了，连大年初一都没等到，奶奶就揶给一号二号两个人各三～～～～～百块压岁钱。
（二号小盆友郑重其事的打开红包，仔仔细细的数了八遍，回过头来严肃的向我宣布，GRANDMA GAVE ME FORTY CENTS! 奶奶的这档子冤案是题外话，按下不表）

于是就有了上个星期妞妞跟远在北京的奶奶视频的故事
妞妞： 奶奶～你知道么～amy的奶奶，给了她三百块压岁钱～
妞妞的奶奶：啊呀，奶奶离得这么远，这可怎么办啊。。。。

The Wiggly Tooth by Amy Zhang

DISCLAIMER  REQUESTED BY DADDY:  IT'S FICTION!!!!!!!!!

    My tooth is wiggly. A little, at least. I already lost ten, and now, I'm waiting for this one to fall out. Unfortunately, it takes a veeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time for that to happen. I'm mad, because I want it to fall out right away.
    Yesterday, I came up with an idea. I would wiggle my tooth very hard, so my tooth would think, " I want to come out!"
    Well, that didn't go well. It just made my tooth hurt a looooooooooooooot. It doesn't hurt a lot right now. Not as much as yesterday. I'm just saying, I'm mad.
    Today I asked my mom how to make my tooth fall out. She said,
    "Wait."
    So, I waited, an waited, and waited. I waited a looooooooooooooooong time. I got tired of waiting. So, I asked my dad how to lose my tooth other than waiting. He said,
    " I have no idea how to lose a tooth, an leave me along. I'm taking a nap!"
    Great. I'll never lose a tooth. Okay. The thing is, I want to.
    Guess what? I lost my tooth!!!!!!!! It's bed time, so I'm putting it under my pillow.
    Problem: My other tooth is wiggly.

30 for 30 challenge, week 2

上个星期DD陪马迷出场
这次派浓妆艳抹芙蓉姐好了

The Seashell by Amy Zhang

       Once, there was a girl named Amy.Her favorite thing in the world was to go to the beach to collect seashells.
       One day,when she went to the beach, she noticed a shell that was very big.The shell was a shiny golden color.She noticed her friend, Helen, on the beach,too.
       "Hey,Helen!"Amy shouted."I found this really cool shell!"
       "Do you think its fairy magic?"asked Helen.
       Amy and Helen were friends with the fairies', and whenever they were in trouble, the two girls were asked to help.This time, they were asked to help find there missing wands.
       Amy nodded."I think so!"she said."Maybe we should look inside."
       So far, they found one wand.They were trying to find the other six wands.
       They were trying to open the shell when a tiny, very tiny voice from behind the shell.
       It was a fairy.
       "Will you help me find my wand, please?" asked the fairy.
       "We were trying to open this shell to find out!"whispered Amy.
        They tried to open the shell,but they couldn't.The girls thought, and thought.
        Then , Amy thought of an idea.
        "Maybe we could tickle the shell somehow."she said.
        "Here is a feather."said Helen.
        Amy took the feather, and started to tickle the shell.The two half slowly opened,and there was a wand.

30 for 30 challenge, week 1

前文书提到
本人值得自豪的地方非常有限
用我党的标准来衡量
整个儿就是一不读书不看报不学习不要求进步不为社会主义资本主义操心
尤其是最近的一两年
认识了国共两党一批女特务，腐蚀变质非常严重

严重到了怎样一个地步捏
就是连这个blog也不是小盆友的天下了
过来插播一下最近和几个女特务们一起玩耍的游戏
30for30
是我从常看的一个美国小妞儿的blog上面看来
撺掇几个朋友一起玩儿的
首席代表是我亲耐的马子兼亲家,check her out here

简单的说就是30件单品，搭配出30套outfit
重点对我来说则是，在这30天里面不许买衣服～
现在我把话儿撂到了伟大的interweb上面，让全世界人民(笑什么笑，我有十五个follower捏～）一起监督教育挽救我吧～～～～～


下面是我的30件单品
（啊对啊，我知道只有29件。。。我是教会计的，我就不识数了，怎么滴吧。。。）

Outfit week1:



我们家对我从事任何活动都完全无条件支持的
只有一个人
DD
而且不是嘴上随便说说的
人家也是全套的accessories都搬出来
郑重其事的要求摄影留念
嘴角还流露出一丝幸福的微笑

Chopstick Can't Stand Up by Amy Zhang

Once there was a chopstick named Chopstick. He had to crawl, because he couldn't stand straight. He could squirm,though.
One day, when he woke up, he thought, I'm tired of crawling! I want to walk.
He tried to stand straight, but he fell. He tried again, and again and again.
"Maybe," he said, "I could ask my friends."
"I guess we could try a little bit." said Spoon.
They tried again and again, but they still couldn't make Chopstick stand straight.
"I'm tired." said Fork.
"Yeah,"said knife, "but Napkin's already snoring!"
"I'm not giving up yet." said Chopstick, "There are still dozens of ways to get me to stand up."
"Maybe you could squish yourself between two mats."suggested Bowl.
"There is a gymnastics mat in my room, and another one in the attic." said Chopstick.
"I'll get them!" shouted plate.
They tried it, but they had no luck. They thought for ten whole hours.
"I wish the ground were more flat." said Napkin, who had woken up.
"The ground is very flat at my house." said Tissue. " Maybe we should try my house."
"Sure!" said Chopstick, Bowl, Plate, Spoon, Fork, and Napkin. "Let's go!"
They tried at Tissue's house (which was a box), but it didn't work.
"I give up." said Chopstick.

The end.

张可意学中文

爷爷奶奶来了一个多月了
他们来以前
我跟他爸计划了一下
amy两岁半回国的时候，大概用了一个星期就开始说一口京片子土话
鉴于张可意小盆友是男生，嘴笨， 人轴，外加舌头胖
虽然现在已经三～～～岁半有余
还是用amy两岁半的标准好了
再加上语言环境又没有北京那么好
给他一个月的时间吧
看看到时候他能不能开口讲中文 （不是要求普通话喔，有中文就行）。

时至今日是怎样一个水平捏
一言以蔽之
奶奶的英文比他的中文进步快多了。
小盆友嗷嗷的叫 I want milk in a blue cup with blue straw~奶奶能准确无误的满足小盆友的所有要求。但是你让张可意说一句我要喝牛奶还得拍出仨糖豆儿来才能有谈判的可能。

刚刚跟爷爷一起玩儿到兴起，这个人咚咚咚咚的跑到楼上来
抓着一截子火车轨道认真的问我

Mommy, What's "train track" in SPANISH?

至于为毛英文中文中间又掺杂进来了一些SPANISH,盖因为此人到现在还没有记住中文的英文是Chinese...
由于纠错是打击学习热情的一种，我们一直将错就错
OH。。。 train track的中文是火车轨道，铁轨
小盆友笑嘻嘻的扭头就要跑
我多有经验啊。。。赶紧拉住了补一句
来，给妈妈重复一下，train track的中文是什么？
I don't know......   (我就知道嘛～）
低头想了一气
Train is fire car （OH!MY!GOD!!! 多么聪明的孩子,啊对啊，没见过丧心病狂的马迷是乜？), so it's 火～, track... I don't know...... 
翻翻眼珠火火POO POO火火 POO POO，扬长而去。。。。

Speaking of poo-poo
某天此人翻出一本看图识字来要我给他念
一直念的好好儿的
翻到“瀑布”这一页，我刚念完，小盆友笑得前仰后合
hahahahaha AGAIN! 
我还以为小盆友转了性，突发了对中文的兴趣，拖长声音慢慢的大声朗读道:瀑～布～
AGAIN! 
瀑～布～～
 AGAIN~
瀑～~~~~~~布～～～
如此反复很多次以后
小盆友指着飞流直下三千尺的美图大笑不已，POO-POO! POO-POO!!!!!! POO----POOOOOO

Three Things

WARNING: 
This is some grateful nonsense rambling. 
Gooey and Mushy and stuff... So, run while you still can.
And also, since it's gooey and mushy, at certain point of the post, it'll turn into English only.


小盆友在看Diary of a Worm
（对，她现在大部分时间还是看书，而不是读书。
    不要问我为毛已经二年级的小盆友还在看一页十来个字的画儿书）
里面的虫子写了Three Things I Like/ Don't like Being aWorm.

放下书,小盆友摸了一个铅笔头就在一张手纸上面就写开了
Three Things I Don't Like Being Amy:
          1. I have to go to school.
          2. I can't stay with mommy all the time.
          3. I can NOT have a dog.
Three Things I Like Being Amy:
          1. I can go to library.
          2. My home is nice.
          3. I have my mommy.

打酱油的DD从旁边游手好闲的晃过
Amy拉住他, What are the three things you like Being Darrell?
DD很严肃的想了一气，笑眯眯的答， Mommy, Amy, and Daddy.

And when people hear my email is amysmom@gmail.com,
they ask me how can i bear the thought of addressing myself ONLY as someone's mom.

Well, it's the one （and approaching to be the ONLY one) darn thing that I am proud of myself.

K

K是朋友的孩子
芳龄两岁半
我跟老公都自作多情的觉得这个白嫩多汁的胖子好像amy小时候
每次见面都试图抓过来揉一揉.
可是K是很跩的大牌皇室酷姐
多数情况下对我们这些围观群众非常不屑一顾.
这个周末我获得babysit K皇小盆友的高级殊荣，总算是得偿心愿.
这才发现，酷姐长得已经宇宙无敌可爱了
但是必须要张嘴说话，个人魅力才能够得以全面展现。




小盆友自己玩儿了一会儿，蹭到我旁边来

我的妈妈呢？

你的妈妈去买大～汽车了，一会儿就回来。
我最喜欢我的妈妈了。。。。。。大喘气了半分钟之久。。。。。。

还有

我的爸爸

又歇了一分钟想起来家里另外一口人

哥哥

再想一阵

有一个天，哥哥PUSH我了～

小盆友有些过敏，留着鼻涕缓缓的向我走过来

我的一个鼻涕又～出来了～

一阵风吹过来，随风飘扬的长发不小心也掺和到鼻涕里面
大小姐扬着白里透红与众不同的脸蛋子继续缓缓行进
纤纤玉手闲闲的指向自己
可是一点点自己去碰这些污秽劳什子的意思也没有
只是把整个一个大头探向下人的方向
我的一个头发又掉到鼻涕里面去了～

擦好了鼻涕，K皇再一次赏脸蹭到下人旁边坐下，扒拉着下人的靴子桶问道

这个四什么？

这个是我的靴子呀，好看不好看～
好看～我喜欢阿姨。。。。。（下人听得心情非常激动，心动过速ing)。。。的boots。。。

Julian也有boots,Julian有两个boots!一个是PINK的一个是BLUE的！

那你也叫妈妈给你买好不好？

我～～～也有boots!我也有两个boots!

一个是。。。RIGHT的，一个是LEFT的！！！

20 questions

Mommy, Let's play 20 questions! I think of an animal, you ask me 20 questions to guess what it is!

好吧。但是你必须得把你想的动物写下来，要不然你老半截儿改主意，神仙也猜不出来！
跟这个人玩儿游戏玩儿久了，经验丰富得不得了的马迷想了一想又加上一句：
还有啊，要是妈妈猜出来了你可不许哭哈！

OK OK...... I’m finished, GUESS, MOM!

嗯。。。它住在哪里？

CHINA!

（eh...难道你不应该回答上山入海一类的乜。。。小盆友这都是什么脑子）

啊，大熊猫嘛！
NO!But it does have fur...... (完全无法保守秘密的小盆友一方面喜滋滋很得意自己想出了这种animal一方面又心慌慌很想马上就把答案说出来）

什么颜色的？

GREY!

（啊？！我老人家怎么也是生在新中国长在红旗下二十多年的人。。。灰色的国宝。。。这个。。。难不成小盆友连娃娃鱼都知道？娃娃鱼。。。没有fur吧。。。英文怎么讲？ 还是。。。鸭嘴兽。。。那个。。。是中国特产么？！）

我一个人在这儿百转千回
小盆友也跟着如坐针毡

Mommy, GUESS! GUESS! It's a good one~ It is VERY CUTE~ It is...

别呀别呀你别说啊。。。妈妈还想玩儿呢。。。
嗯。。。它会游泳么？

NO~

它吃小动物么？

NO~

它。。。。。。

IT'S GREY MOMMY! IT'S CUTE! IT HUGS TREES!

小盆友终于受不了了
得意洋洋的脱口而出

IT IS A 。。。。。。KOALA BEAR!!!!!!!

I WIN YOU LOSE~

I WIN YOU LOSE~

我们是农民

农民一家因为消息不慎灵光，个性又颇为懒惰
已经存在很久了的Bank of American Museum on Us促销一直到这个月才豪情万丈的准备参与一下
赶上农民居住的这个农村附近也不是非常的高雅，一共只有两个博物馆参加活动，一个是自然科学类的，一个是艺术类的。

女农民想也没想，那自然是要去自然科学类的，就咱家这个农民基因，跟艺术怎么论它也不靠啊。
于是星期日一大早，不由分说把睡懒觉的男农民一脚踹下床，走了走了走了咱们去博～物～馆～了。
两个小农民长这么大也没听过这么有内涵的词汇，颇有些异动。
大的那只忧心忡忡恐龙骨头这种东西会不会活过来，兀自瑟瑟发抖。
小的那只则是欢欣鼓舞，we are going to a TOY meseum!!!!!!!!HIGH得东倒西歪。
收拾得七七八八，大的那只主意已经变了八百回之际，我要去～我不要去～我害怕～我很勇敢～
女农民突然惊醒，啊呀～今天改时间也～现在不是九点半，刚刚八点半。。。
男农民默默含恨轰然坍塌在床上。。。你！！！！你！！！！你！！！！

闲着也是闲着，一家人对着表发了一阵呆，开始研究博物馆的网站
研究着研究着，男农民突然惊醒，啊呀～十二点才开门耶～～～～～～

话说农民，也分的
我们祖国十来亿的农民，涌现了多少农民诗人农民画家农民歌手农民企业家啊～
我们家嘞，属于最拿不出手的那一类，小农。。。
啊对，比较糊涂的小农。
占便宜没够吃亏难受的小农们算来算去，这个不要钱的便宜，咱们要等到十二点再去占，是不是太浪费了。。。
要不然。。。咱们去。。。十一点就开门的艺术博物馆吧～

于是乎，四个农民浩浩荡荡的，来到了艺术博物馆。。。的门口
乡下人多年不进一次城，低估了停车的行情，连quarter都没有带，在超级confusing的单行道上绕了十分钟，终于还是非常不情愿的交了十块钱乖乖的去停车场停车
为了不花钱，又白白的花进去十块钱。。。

彼时博物馆还没开门，大家就在门口搔首弄姿很热烈的摆了一些农民pose

甚至还在一些艺术作品前面留连忘返翩翩起舞了一阵



赶到真的进去了，自然更是一副刘姥姥的场面



不过新鲜归新鲜农民们逛了一阵大观园就意兴阑珊起来，甚至还大声喧哗肆意撒泼


但是看看表才过了半个小时。。。非常心疼停车的十块钱，一伙农民不舍得就这样就走了，就胡乱的在博物馆外面耍了一阵


这才意兴阑珊的仓皇离去

这个故事告诉我们
即使是不要钱的博物馆
农民们也还是不要去给人家添乱给祖国丢脸了。。。。
当然了，更重要的是，不合算啊同志们！十块钱干点儿什么不好。